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2017 Power Rankings-Playoffs 2
Introduction In professional sports, numerous championship runs come down to one simple fact, passed down for generations at bars and man caves like a war that we were all a part of. "Daddy, how did they win the championship?"↵"Well son, it was a month much like this month, you see, and well...they got hot at the right time." How many times have we uttered that phrase? "They got hot at the right time." Not "they were the best team that season," but "they got hot at the right time?" If Fantasy Football is anything, it's extreme. Extremely frustrating, extremely challenging, extremely joy-depriving. And in the case of teams 'getting hot at the right time,' extremely consistent. Every team that has ever scored 300 points in a playoff game has went on to win the Glory Bowl. Six of seven championship teams scored 300 at some point during their teams Glory Bowl season. So what do we have here? We have the hottest team over the last month, Pain Train, dropping the second highest score of all time in an elimination game. Don't look now, but they are getting hot at the right time. Matchup Recap: Quarterfinals GBM vs. TDP * AALLVIIIINNN: This game was blown wide open when Kamara went down early on TNF. It would be the ultimate test of whether GBM had ridden into the playoffs on the wings of Alvin's MVP-caliber play, or if he actually had a championship team. * Good Will Kareem Hunt-ing - Bad turned to worse when Kamara's counterpart, Kareem Hunt, awoke like a hibernating bear hungry for honey. Hunt had his best game since week 3 (don't believe me, just ask Kenzie, who woke up from her nap when she heard veins popping out of my neck). * The Grass is always A.J. Greener - While Hunt had his best week, Green had his worst since week 9 and third worst of the season. * Park the Carr on the third floor of the Parking Dak - Not sure what the headline is implying there, but The Duck Punchers bailed on Dak Prescott two weeks too soon. 57.01 points in free agency vs. 19.14 for Carr. * His Kupp Runneth Over - People forget that Cooper Kupp was drafted by GBM in the 14th round. Dropped, added by Pain Train, then dropped again and picked up by GBM, Kupp came home at just the right time to put GBM over the top here in the quarterfinals. * Mike Wallace - Nothing funny to say here, just that Wallace was another late round pick for GBM that didn't pan out, so he was drpped, added twice by other teams, added/dropped AGAIN by GBM, then finally added and played, beating his projection in week 14. * Fournette? More like Thirty-fournette - Fournette came to play, making up for Kamara's slack and then some, with over 34 points for the first time since week 5. Oh, and Michael Thomas balled out as well. * The grass is always Green Bayer - GBM made an error in benching pro-bowl defense Jacksonville, getting too cute in an error that ultimately made no difference in the context of the match. With the win, GBM makes it to the top-four for the third straight season, making history in the process by becoming the first sub-.500 team to win a playoff game. But they lose their MVP QB in the process. Carson Wentz balled out of control before breaking his leg, and now the most consistent member of the team needs to be replaced heading into the biggest game maybe in league history. For TDP, a disappointing conclusion to a promising season. Their scoring went down dramatically following Trade Wednesday and they couldn't quite make it long enough to get back their Zeke-ret weapon. The High Flying Duck Offense might have flown too close to the sun with that one, and now they are facing Paddock 9 in a meaningless game for the third straight year. Pain Train vs. P9 * Paddock 6 - P9 wanted to bench Josh Doctson, but the way they had built their team they had no way to sub him out for Kerwynn Williams. Williams scored 17 on the bench while Doctston scored a weak 6. * More than Diamonds, More than Gould - Robbie Gould, eh, eh, MVP? Eh, MVP? The kicker scored 19.50 points for P9. * Mr. Anderson (Agent Smith Voice) - After ragging on Pain Train ALL SEASON for their tight end issues, it ended up being Paddock 9 with an absolute meltdown at the position. Gronk replacement Stephen Anderson scored 3.80 points. * Killer B's? More like Killer A,B,C,D's - Why even bother talking about what P9 did or didn't do right? At the end of the day, NO ONE was beating Pain Train without a time machine. Top to bottom, PT ran train over P9. ** Killer A? Davante Adams. Keeper of the year candidate. ** Killer B? Big Ben, 56, Antonio Brown, 45. ** Killer C? Alex Collins, 38 points and oh, by the way, dropped by P9 in October. ** Killer D? Kenyan fucking Drake. By the time this guy took the field PT had already eclipsed 300 points. The last time Pain Train won a playoff game they went to Glory Bowl III (by the way, the last time GBM won a playoff game they went to Glory Bowl III). Now they are heavily favored to not just make it, but to win it all. A team this good at every position has very little to fear except a freak accident meltdown at every position on every team across the country all at once. Paddock 9, what more can be said about the team that made move after move until the entire NFL had been cycled through their roster like a money laundering operation? Paddock 9's roster moves may have gotten them back to the same spot they made it to last season, but no one truly believed they could take that extra step. P9 didn't pick up the right players at the right time, which is exactly what Pain Train has done. And now P9 can turn in a third 5th place game victory, while Pain Train still fights for Glory. Total Quarterfinal Points Scored by year Semifinals Appearances by Team For the third year in a row, TSB, RIP, and GBM all punch tickets to the semifinals. The Bust Zone A.J. Green came up small on the big stage, while Antonio Brown has shined. In my eyes, Brown is the top pick of this round, but let's see how Todd Gurley performs in the semifinals and...Wait a minute...BAH GAWD THAT'S AARON RODGERS' MUSIC! (Jordy Nelson's head on Undertaker's body as he rises from a coffin). Rookie Rundown Awesome battle of the top three rookie RBs of 2017, which was also arguably a battle of three of the top five RBs on the season. Hunt has now been taken out of play, while Kamara is looking to sign his redemption song against The Shotti Bunch. Stat Chat LOC *GBM becomes the 6th team to score over 200 points in 50 combined games. *Pain Train has scored 359.58 points. That's more than he scored total in each of his last two postseasons. *The Shotti Bunch would have lost to both GBM and Pain Train if they had played in the quarterfinals. NFL NFL *Devonta Freeman (RIP) has played an average of 72% of snaps since returning from a concussion. *Alex Collins (PT) has scored in four-straight games. *Dak Prescott (TSB) owns the fourth-worst QB rating under pressure over the last five weeks. *Kenyan Drake's snap rate has gone up significantly in each of the last four games (59%>64%>79%>90%). *LeSean McCoy (TSB) averages 42 more scrimmage yards per game at home than he does on the road. *Since the bye, Big Ben (PT) has finished as a top-ten QB each week and the QB1 twice. Trade Tracker Starts: *Thompson: 4 *Wentz: 6 *Brady: 5 *Crowder: 4 Well, both of the players traded to GBM are now on IR and Brady is the lone player still taking snaps in the Festival of Champions. That being said, Wentz's production has been key to getting GBM to the semifinals and considering Brady's performance last week this trade seems to have worked out well. Starts: *McCaffrey: 5 *Abdullah: 4 *Morris: 4 It would be unfair to say this trade ended Paddock 9's season because they got crushed by almost 200 points in the quarterfinals, but 10 points in the game of the year is not what they signed up for with McCaffrey. Still, a potential keeper pick for 2018 isn't bad. Starts: * Elliot: 1 * Cooks: 4 * Olsen: 1 After Cooks burned MMMS last week, The Duck Punchers saw their Zeke dreams crushed as they were eliminated from the quarterfinals and will not even be playing a consolation game in week sixteen, when Zeke is set to return. GBM, the third party who almost sent Tate away for Zeke, has ended the seasons of both other involved parties. Starts *Miller: 6 *Snead: 0 *Juju: 2 *Duke: 4 When it mattered most, Duke ended up outscoring Miller... 2017 Consolation Tournament All-Time Consolation Tournament Record Paddock 9 must be longing for the days when they faced off against weak competition and built up their postseason W/L record. This year, two teams have a chance to match P9's record, though no one will catch them when factoring in his Million Dollar Game victories. MMMS will look to get their first win in the Consolation Tournament. They are favored to win the 2017 Heart and Soul Bowl and take charge of the 2018 draft. (7) ma ma momma said (215.08) vs. (10) Sweet Dee (213.82) MMMS has played two Million Dollar Games in their history, getting sent there by Sweet Dee last season while she was on her way to the 2016 Heart and Soul Bowl. This season, MMMS comes in as the stronger team and will take on SD with his 7-2 H2H record. (8) JarJar Stinks! (175.45) vs. (9) Papa's Pussies (185.32) Another back-to-back matchup, with JJS and PP facing off in Week 13 and a bye week sandwiched between the two. What is incredible to me is how long Papa has held on to KC defense, despite them being an absolute dumpster fire this season. But while KC defense has been a dumpster fire, the entire JJS team has been a house fire. And JarJar is a firefighter, so this is really disappointing. (3) The Duck Punchers vs. (5) Paddock 9 These two teams meet in a consolation game for the third year in a row, after playing for 5th place last season and playing in the 2015 Million Dollar Game before that. This is an incredible 14th matchup between these two, and TDP narrowly owns the edge at 7-6. This is a disappointing result, especially for The Duck Punchers, who is considered one of the three elite teams in the LOC. And for P9, who made 1,000 roster moves to end up in the exact same spot as last season. Matchups of the Week - Festival Semifinals (1) The Shotti Bunch (225.36) vs. (6) Garoppoblow Me (221.77) * 2017 Records ** TSB: 10-3 ** GBM: 7-7 * Head-to-Head Wins ** TSB: 7 ** GBM: 4 * Head-to-Head Playoff Results ** 0 * Key Injuries (TSB) ** Cam Newton (Questionable - Shoulder) * Key Injuries (GBM) ** Leonard Fournette (Questionable - Quad) The pressure is off for GBM, who broke their league leading playoff win drought and goes into a matchup with the one-seed TSB who is a heavy favorite, even if not on paper. But it's also back on, because if TSB wins it could mean disaster for the league. This is a classic battle of differing philosophies, as GBM will start the minimum 2 RBs and TSB will be starting four. In order to survive the three headed monster of Gurley, McCoy, and Gurley, GBM likely needs his own monster to go off (Kamara/Thomas/Fournette) and hope that he can get the same kind of support from his flex spots. Neither team has a clear answer at QB, with GBM obviously the one in the worse position. Goff or Bortles isn't as great as it sounds (and it sounds awful). Goff lost his best pass protector, and trying to defeat the best team in LOC history with Blake Bortles is...frightening, to say the least. (2) RIPDab (214.70) vs. (4) Pain Train WOO WOO (228.71) * 2017 Records ** RIP: 9-4 ** PT: 8-6 * Head-to-Head Wins ** RIP: 6 ** PT: 5 * Head-to-Head Playoff Results ** Consolation Semifinals (RIP 220.66-PT 213.28) Forget the seeding. Pain Train comes in as a huge favorite both on paper and in the minds of many, and RIP needs to have a great game in order to pull the "upset." RIP has been here many times, and each time he has lost to the eventual Glory Bowl Champion. It seems like that trend could continue, as the freight train continues to power down the tracks towards Glory. This game could come down to DeVonta Freeman on Monday night. Conclusion I'm not going to lie guys, I ran out of juice on this one. Got about halfway through and hit a wall. It's been an incredibly long season...fast, but long. It didn't help that an internet crash made me have to rebuilt all the charts. Killed the vibe. Site is still acting very glitchy, deleting random sections, not saving, it's a mess. Anyway, despite the power rankings it IS an exciting week in the LOC and hopefully some history is made this Sunday. RIP has a chance to punch his first ticket to the big dance, GBM has a chance to hand TSB a postseason L for the first time since 2014. What will happen??? Probably Chris and fucking Shotti in the Glory Bowl and everyone being disappointed. CAN'T WAIT!